The Official American Music Awards Awards

It was 1973 when the American Broadcasting Company lost the rights to the prestigious Grammy Awards. A lesser network would have pouted about the whole situation, but not ABC. No, ABC turned to renegade musical genius Dick Clark and said, “Hey, Dick. We need your help sticking it to the man. By the man, we mean the people in charge of the Grammys.” And thus, the American Music Awards were born.

An American Music Award is the most important award a musician can get other than a Grammy or a CMA award or an ACM award… my point is it is certainly in the top 20.

Unfortunately, for those of us who love to view famous people receiving accolades, the AMAs are the last major awards that are handed out before the end of the year. I should say were the last awards handed out before the end of the year. That was before the inaugural American Music Awards Awards were created.

Celebrating the best moments of the best awards show, or at least the best awards show hosted by Jennifer Lopez, these awards will let you know exactly WHO won the AMAs. Or is it whom? I guess it’s a good thing this is not a grammar award.

Best Sunglasses

Prince. No competition.

Best Joke (Host Division)

“I know I’m going to love [the evening] because I’m going to be hanging out with the hottest stars backstage all night.”

Let’s all be honest: we expect very few chuckles from Jennifer Lopez. When the host of the 2015 AMAs was announced, there was next to no one saying, “Oh, this will be hilarious!”

Our expectations were correct. In fact, through the first hour of the show, there was not a single joke told by her. The closest we got to an actual joke was the above line delivered with a chuckle. Maybe this was a nervous chuckle, but I will settle for any chuckle here.

Best Joke (Awards Recipient Division)

The award easily goes to the entire acceptance speech for The Pitch Perfect 2 Soundtrack. It’s very rare that you hear an acceptance speech thank someone for helping with the burying of a hooker and in the next breath let someone know they owe you money. I also might be biased in this judgement because I find Anna Kendrick to be absolutely delightful.

Most Upsetting Decision To Grunge Fans

Best Time To Use The Restroom

It is not a great start to an awards show when the best time to go to the restroom is the beginning of the show. Missing two minutes of clips previewing the entire show followed by six minutes of J-Lo dance numbers seems like something that could easily be skipped. The only issue with this is it is far too early in the show for a restroom break.

With that in mind, this prestigious award goes to Nick Jonas’s drum solo. The song was not the most gripping performance in history and so Nick decided to spice it up by pounding the skins a bit. The issue with this plan, though, is that drum solos are not typically very exciting for anyone outside of other drummers, and mediocre drum solos are never interesting for anyone. He tried his best to save the moment by bringing in a gospel choir, but nothing can make you forget watching a capable drummer attempt to pretend they are a phenomenal one.

Best Performance

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis (but mostly Macklemore because he is the one who actually performs) have shown a talent for getting attention on the big stage. The 2015 AMAs were no different. With a stirring performance that spoke on the dangers of prescription drugs, Macklemore managed to get attention from the audience with his simplistic performance.  It takes a lot to get a crowd like that to abandon the party-like atmosphere and he managed to do just that.

AMA Ultimate Champion

This category was tough. On the one hand, you had Ariana Grande with her great performance of “Focus” and her award for the best Female Artist Pop/Rock. Then there was the Weeknd with his (quite literally) fiery performance of “The Hills” and TWO awards, Favorite Male Artist, Soul/R&B as well as Favorite Solo Album Soul/R&B. It was tight race between the two in my mind.

In the end, the award went to Ariana Grande. She received bonus points for bring her grandmother, Nonna, to the awards show, a move that my wife described as “very cute.” Maybe next year The Weeknd will bring his grandmother.

Let that be a lesson to all of you hoping to someday win an American Music Awards Award. Grandparents always help you out.