Thoughts I Had While Watching the Season 23 Premiere of The Bachelor

2019 has just begun which means it’s time for a new season of The Bachelor. The lucky man we’ll be spending 10 Mondays of our lives with is none other than Colton Underwood, the virgin, former NFL player who made it all the way to the top 4 on Becca Kufrin’s bachelorette season.

Colton is one of the most controversial bachelor selections I can ever remember. While people were upset over Nick Viall and Arie Luyendyk, mostly because those choices came out of left field, there are some legitimate reasons behind the negative response to Colton. Here is why some people hate him as the bachelor pick:

• Nice guy, but extremely boring. Many people wanted a more charming, interesting choice, such as fellow runners-up Blake Horstmann, Jason Tartick and Wills Reid.
• He bounced from his breakup with Becca on The Bachelorette to a relationship with Tia on Bachelor in Paradise pretty quickly.
• Based on what we saw from his respective relationships with Becca and Tia, he doesn’t know himself well enough yet and isn’t ready to be in a relationship let alone get engaged in such a short period of time.
• And while I personally don’t agree with this particular criticism, many people have an issue with the fact that he’s a virgin.

While I generally understand the criticism behind the choice of Colton, after a lot of thought, I ultimately decided picking him makes total sense. Colton has the ready-made story arc with his virginity and he’s already proved, by his two previous stints, that he’s willing to play the producers’ game. Also, as Reality Steve pointed out, he’s the closest thing they’ll probably ever get to Sean Lowe, aka their only successful bachelor to date. 

Now that we’ve set up who our bachelor is, let’s dive into the first episode. I got to watch the premiere early, so, without further ado, here are the thoughts I had in real-time while watching.

1. Cassie hopes her communication skills from being a speech pathologist translates well to her relationship with Colton. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.
2. And we get our first mention of Colton’s virginity from Miss Alabama. That didn’t take too long.
3. Katie seems too normal for this show. She’s got great music playing in the background of her video package too. Good sign.
4. So Heather is a virgin and has never kissed someone before. She also met Colton before at one of his charity events and is probably going to bring the picture of the two of them with her — calling it right now.
5. That inside of the mouth shot in Kirpa’s video package is the weirdest shot I’ve ever seen on television.
6. Demi is going on The Bachelor and has never had a serious relationship. She also just called herself the “damn confetti cake.” YIKES — Colton is going to have his hands full with that one.
7. THAT SHOWER SHOT — HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO COLTON. Say what you want about him, but you can’t deny that the man is gorgeous. 
8. “I was devastated when that relationship ended.” Yes, Colton, we all know that. We saw it play out for WAY too long on Bachelor in Paradise this summer.
9. “How much of the negativity and ‘he’s not ready’ do you think has to do with your virginity?” Fair question, Chris Harrison. Fair question, indeed.
10. And here we go… I guess they decided not to give us the pep talk from former bachelors this year seeing as Sean Lowe is the only one who has made it down the aisle.
11. Demi is first out of the limo (that we see) and says she hasn’t dated a virgin since she was 12. I’ll say it again: Colton is going to have his hands full with her. AND HE EVEN SAYS AS MUCH.
12. Heather doesn’t even get a job title, just “never been kissed.” Poor girl. That’s going to follow her for the rest of her life.
13. HOLD UP. We get Miss North Carolina AND Miss Alabama? When did the Bachelor turn into Miss USA? At first, when I saw she was wearing her sash, I was like, “Dear Lord.” But I love how she turned it around to say “Miss Underwood.” Great entrance.
14. Sydney’s dress is KILLER
15. Tahzjuan, that was such a bad pun and I think Colton thought so too.
16. CASSIE GETS ROMANTIC MUSIC AS SHE WALKED UP. She’s going far. That’s such a cute, creative entrance. AND COLTON KEPT ONE OF THE BUTTERFLIES AND PUT IT IN HIS JACKET POCKET. She could very well get the first impression rose.
17. Caitlin just popped Colton’s cherry. And like him, I thought that was an apple too.
18. Already over the virginity jokes and we’re only halfway through night one. Dear Lord.
19. First, we had shark girl. Now we have sloth girl. This is stupid and just so awkward.
20. At least Miss Alabama didn’t show up with her sash on too.
21. The awkward tension between the two pageant queens… BRING ON THE DRAMA. I am here for it.
22. SO MANY DIFFERENT LANGUAGES ON THE FIRST NIGHT. I like that they’re showing Colton part of who they are, but this is becoming too repetitive.
23. Sick girl is committed. I’m impressed, and it seems Colton was too. 
24. Bri gets weird music played behind her. Is she going to be trouble? More than likely. 
25. WAIT SHE LIED ABOUT BEING AUSTRALIAN? THIS GIRL IS CRAY.
26. Hannah is apparently the new Lauren this year.
27. Catherine also gets ominous music played behind her. And brings a dog. I’m surprised no one else has done that yet.
28. ERIN GETS ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYED BEHIND HER. And she showed up in a carriage dressed like Cinderella! It was meant to be.
29. Colton is drinking wine as his first drink, a man after my own heart.
30. Is this the fastest we’ve ever had a bachelor get choked up?
31. Is Erica’s first question really why he’s a virgin? Like it shouldn’t matter!
32. ROMANTIC MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND OF HANNAH G. AND COLTON’S CONVERSATION. ALERT: ROMANTIC MUSIC IS PLAYING. 
33. Miss North Carolina gets good music played behind her too. SHE GETS THE FIRST KISS OF THE SEASON — AND COLTON MADE THE FIRST MOVE.
34. The sloth is in the tree. She seems to be more like Ashley S rather than Alexis now…
35. Catherine is public enemy #1. DO NOT LIKE HER.
36. “COLTON, I HEARD YOU WERE DROWNING IN SOME BITCHES.” YASSSSSSSS ONYEKA. That was a great line.
37. Three times?!?!?!? Catherine is NUTS.
38. Onyeka and Catherine are going on the two-on-one. Calling it now.
39. FOUR TIMES?!?!? Colton, you got to grow a backbone and say something to this girl.
40. Cassie is by far my favorite girl so far. Hands down.
41. Katie gets the second kiss of the night! She’s one of my favorites, for sure.
42. Hannah G. gets the first impression rose and the third kiss of the night! I’m cool with this choice — I like her so far!

The rose ceremony wasn’t shown in the first episode that was released to the media. So I haven’t seen anything past Hannah G. getting the first impression rose. But based on my gut reaction, these are the girls to watch (in no particular order):

• Tayisha (Colton said she was “gorgeous” as she walked away from him)
• Cassie (Romantic music behind her + Colton put one of her butterflies in his jacket)
• Katie (Seems completely normal from her video package + second kiss of the night)
• Caelynn (First kiss of the night)
• Hannah G (First impression rose)

What did you guys think of the first episode? Do you like the girls? Do they annoy you already? Already over Colton’s virginity being a storyline? Let me know in the comments below!

The Bachelor airs Monday nights at 8/7c on ABC.