Friday Fright: 9 People You’ll Meet in a 90’s Slasher

One of the best things about my childhood were the scary movies, but not just any scary movie. The 90’s scary movies. You know the type. The Jennifer Love Hewett and Neve Campbell type scary movies. So when MTV announced they were doing their TV series, Scream, I was absolutely psyched. I knew it would have some knife-wrenching twist that would resemble some of my favorite films and it sure as hell did not disappoint.

Bringing back my 90’s theme I’d like to present: The Nine People You’ll Meet in a 90’s Scary Movie

The Jock
More often than not The Jock is usually the one in the group who convinces everyone to keep quiet. When we catch up with him months later he can be found reliving his glory days while drinking heavily to forget whatever disastrous event he’s hiding.

The Prom/Pageant Queen
She’s sassy, she’s hot, usually a cheerleader and most likely a bitch but no iconic teen movie would be complete with her.

The Couple
Usually includes The Jock or The Prom/Pageant Queen (see above). Spoiler alert: they both usually die and more often than now while they’re doing the deed.

The Girl the Killer is After
The focus of every slasher film typically revolves around a secret that dates back to another family member AKA the Scream franchise.

The Shady Adult (usually a parent or some relative)
At some point you probably think they’re involved or that they could even be the killer. They’re usually found trying to hide whatever past they have and/or being too protective, often resulting in their death.

The Cop that Doesn’t Believe
There’s always one person in authority who thinks it’s a joke. That stories are just stories and teens are just pulling pranks. Not so funny when they’re getting their throat slit now is it?

The Troubled Popular Girl
Also known as The Girl the Killer is After. She can often be found fraternizing with The Jock and The Prom/Pageant Queen but you can tell she doesn’t belong, but she’s too afraid to go against the grain and that’s why she’s in the situation she’s in. She’s usually the only one who ends up living.

The Friend that Thinks it’s a Joke
See also The Cop that Doesn’t Believe.

The Black Friend Who Always Dies
I’m just going to leave this here…

So! What have we learned from this?

  • Don’t drive down shady highways at night. In the event that you do and hit someone, don’t just dump them in the damn lake.
  • Power in numbers people. Power. In. Numbers.
  • Sometimes myths are actually real.
  • Don’t check out the creepy lair just because your friends think it’s cool.
  • If you see someone with a creepy mask on or in a fisherman’s outfit and a hook, just run. Just…do it.
  • And the most obvious – call the damn police people!

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