'The Bachelorette' Season Nine Premiere Gets Crazy With Streaking, Shining Armours, and Early Roses

Last night the ninth season of The Bachelorette started with Desiree Hartsock. One of the most beloved women from Sean Lowe’s season of The Bachelor. She’s back to find love for herself with one of the twenty-five men. But who are those 25 men? The classic opening cocktail party is about to begin, so we’re about to find out!

Normally we’re introduced to five or six of the men before their first impressions as they step out for the rose and this season is no different. First we meet Brydon, a military man with a dog much cuter than him from Montana. Will, a banker who loves Bikram yoga, is a little interesting but not overly exciting. Nick R has one of the most interesting professions on this show as a tailor/magician… what?? Zak W is one of our Texans of the season, and he has a hard time finding women. Maybe he shouldn’t be naked in the wild on his massive property all the time? He’s a bit ridiculous but it’ll be interesting to see where he goes. I disliked Brandon at first, he’s an adrenaline junkie and a bit annoying, but then he gets more interesting when he talks of his struggles. He’s somber and I’m intrigued, what will Desiree think? Mike was the least interesting of the video clips, another Texan but raised in England. Robert seems like another Jef Holm from Emily Maynard’s season. He’s cute, he skateboards, surfs, and is an entrepreneur, ugh. My favourite was Drew. He was super attractive, hasn’t had much time for love yet, and he had a troubled childhood. I seem to go for the troubled life guys, normally that isn’t the case! But let’s get to the limo impressions!

First out of the limo is Drew, my favourite from the early videos. He’s a bit nervous when first meeting her but she seems to think he’s hot. Brad pulls out a wishbone so they can make wishes like she did on Sean’s season with pennies. Michael G tries to find Desiree’s penny from when she met Sean, and when he can’t he pulls out two new pennies for them to wish on. Des seemed to like the gestures of both Brad and Michael G as they knew she did that previously. Kasey is a little bit #annoying. Hashtag pickup lines are really not my thing, but Desiree seemed to like it. Jonathan comes out with potentially the worst impression ever. He seemed like an utter douche and throughout the night he did nothing to change that opinion. Asking Desiree to go to a fantasy suite on the first night? NEXT! Zak W (Ab Man) comes out of the limo missing a shirt and the most ridiculous pick up line of the night:  “do you accept these abs?” Even weirder than the hashtags, but I’d love for him to stay for comedic reasons. Larry tries to teach Desiree a dance move and it goes terribly wrong, causing her to trip on her dress. He swears as he walks away causing some raised eyebrows, definitely not getting the first impression rose! Nick R (Magic Man) did a small magic trick as predicted, which actually wowed her.

Diogo is a bit shocking when he shows up in metal armour, and gets awful reactions from all the other guys. At least we have a good nickname, Sir Crazy-Lot! Chris has a few butterflies which is a little sweet. He gets down on one knee and gets all emotional and stressed until he asks if he can tie her shoe. Des was getting really concerned he would propose at the start of season and then loved it when he was using the cliched tying shoe thing instead. Mike R has a doctor’s coat on, saying he’ll be her McDreamy. It could be cute but that just points out that he’s no Patrick Dempsey. Robert’s first impression is to take off his tie. What? Juan Pablo comes out and is absolutely spectacular. He’s from Venezuela and has a fantastic accent. He brings her a little chocolate and is just…stunning. He’s absolutely delish and I’m so excited to see more of him! Brandon comes in on his motorcycle and has a boring entrance but she comments that he’s cute. Micah is a law student and he shows up in the most awful self-designed suit ever because she wants to design wedding dresses. Showing bad design sense (even jokingly) probably doesn’t bode well with a design student. Lastly, a cute little boy steps out of the limo in a suit with his father stepping out after. Brody and his dad Ben get one of the best impressions of all the seasons. The most emotional and cute time, with the grandma collecting Brody after he hands a flower Des. She seemed to be tearing up about how cute that was. Other contestants are Brooks, Bryden, Zack K, James, Will, Brian, Nick M, and Dan, but nothing too excited happened as they met her.

Now that Sean Lowe has broken the mould Desiree can start handing out roses whenever she sees fit rather than completely waiting for the rose ceremony. Unfortunately for us it’s harder to keep track with who she gave roses to. Nick R gets everyones attention and does a ‘magic trick’ to make her ‘disappear’ so he can have the first 1on1 time. Brandon quickly steals her away and gives her his mums 7 year sober coin, telling her to give it back to his mum at home towns. Now that’s a statement, and she seemed wowed by his confidence and expectations. Ben is super sweet, he grabs her away from the others and then gets the first rose of the night. A lot of the men don’t like him for obvious jealousy reasons.

Some men are trying way too hard on this season. Someone got her a star, Desoryan. Zak W strips down and jumps into the pool. He thought he would get a rose that way but it allowed for another man to steal her away. He still ended up getting the rose, which is exciting. Reading his bio on ABC showed a more cultured, mature man than we saw in the episode and previews for the rest of the season gave the impression that he was rather deep. Juan Pablo pulled her out to the front to play a little soccer. After showing off and them kicking the ball a bit all the guys came out for some mass fun. It was possibly one of my favourite moments because everyone was friendly and laughing, not worrying about competing. Unfortunately, Jonathan is still around. He brings up the fantasy suite card again and is shocked by her not wanting to join him. His mom says he’s attractive, but when he tries to pull away for a second time she sends him home immediately. I love that she was proactive in chucking him rather than continuing to feel uncomfortable.

My favourites were Zak W, Drew, and Juan Pablo. As the season continues and we get to learn more about the men I’m sure those will change. In the preview for the season it looks like there will be a few big, dramatic moments and they kept linking Ben with them, so let’s see what will come! Unfortunately, that was all the excitement from the first episode, so until next time make sure to follow my twitter @reviewsbylauren to get updates and get ready for live tweets while I watch next Monday at 8pm on ABC!