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Game of Thrones Recap – Episode 509 “The Dance with Dragons”

 

With an ending as awesome as last week’s fight pitting the Wildlings and the Night’s Watch against the zombie apocalypse of the White Walkers, many of us were wondering how “Game of Thrones” was going to top itself this week.  This week during this recap, I’m going to be highlighting the best moments of the episode based on the viewpoint of the characters during each scene.
First, we start with Stannis and his army resting comfortably in their tents on their way to Winterfell, trying to stay warm and brave the winter that’s come when suddenly things turn from ice to fire as Ramsay Snow’s twenty best men set fire to the encampment, burning Stannis’ food, horses, tents, and a lot of other stuff.  We have a heartwarming moment between Ser Davos and Shireen.  You already knew something was happening at this point.  In an attempt to receive a blessing from the Lord of Light to keep his starving men alive, Stannis has Davos sent away to order aid from Jon at Castle Black.  Then he has Lady Melisandre burn his daughter at the stake.  Yeah, you heard right.  He burns his own flesh and blood little girl at the stake.  Okay, I know most journalists are supposed to remain unbiased, but seriously, I wish a lot of things on you, Stannis Baratheon, and none of them are what my mama would consider very nice things.  Not a one.  Seriously, she’s your daughter.  It honestly sickened me.  I hate you, Stannis.  Like the kind of hate I have for Cersei, Joffrey, and Ramsay.

Speaking of Cersei, she’s probably still in that cell.  You don’t see any of her or Sansa or honestly even Ramsay this episode.  You see Ramsay’s deeds in the burning of the encampment, but you don’t actually see our little psychopath.  King’s Landing is decidedly absent as well.  What isn’t absent is talk of King’s Landing and the events that will transpire there once Jaime brings Myrcella home.  That’s right.  In an attempt to broker peace between the Lannisters and Dorne, Prince Doran spares Jaime and Bronn (who receives a little payback for the swing he took at Trystane) in a deal that sees Myrcella and her betrothed, Trystane, returning to King’s Landing where Trystane will take over Oberyn’s seat on King Tommen’s small council.  This should be interesting given how Spanish Inquisition the church is becoming.  There’s also a few scenes with the Sand Snakes were Doran tells Ellaria to stop her rebellion or he’ll have her stopped permanently, mother of his nieces or not.  After vowing to listen to Doran, Ellaria and Jaime have a little heart-to-heart afterwards where she tells him that, “All that matters we want who we want.”  Basically, don’t feel ashamed because King’s Landing looks down on you for having the hots for your sister.  Dorne doesn’t look down on him for it.  Follow his heart and all that.  Wonder if Jaime will still want Cersei after the make-out session between her and the floor last week. Yes, I know it was warranted because she thirsty and dehydrated and being tortured.  I don’t know.  Still don’t feel sorry for her.

Anyways, that’s enough of that.  How about Jon and Arya?  Not much to say here either.  Jon continues the trend of epic staredowns on the series as he and Alistair Thorne stare each other down when Jon brings the Wildlings to the Wall.  Thorne begrudgingly lets him in and then tells Jon that he’s going to get them all killed because of his good heart.  For Arya, she’s peddling clams at the pier again with her vial in tow, but she becomes distracted by a familiar face exiting a ship from Westeros.  She follows them to a brothel where she stares at the guy, hands out clams to the other soldiers, and basically sits there in silence until she’s yelled at to get out.
Finally, we have the best of last night’s highlights.  The episode wasn’t called “A Dance with Dragons” just because of Stannis’ daughter’s story about either a mirrored shield or two Targaryens fighting each other.  Daenerys is doing her thing alongside her soon-to-be husband, That Noble Guy, and they’re attending the premiere of the fighting pits.  The stands are packed.  As the fighters are introduced, they claim to die for Daenerys’ glory and Daenerys just kind of pays attention until she hears a familiar voice.  Ser Jorah, the Westerosi knight, swears to die for her glory if need be then proceeds to lay the beatdown on some competitors shortly before he’s knocked to the ground and almost out of the count by a really quick guy with a really cool sword.  Jorah’s potential executioner is knocked out of the count himself when he gets a spear to the gullet, saving Jorah’s bacon and pitting him against the spear-wielder.  Jorah kills him only to notice something hinky in the stands.  He hefts the spear up and throws it almost directly at Daenerys, but it hits a member of the Sons of the Harpy instead.  As the Sons rise from the stands to kill the patrons and Dany’s total loveboat of a soon-to-be husband, Daario and Tyrion make their break with the Queen in tow.  Tyrion saves Missandei and, as they’re steadily surrounded like the Jedi during “Attack of the Clones”, all hope seems lost.  Then you hear the roar and see the fire.  As Yoda…. er, Drogon soars down for a quick one-two, bite you, and crispy wings (Get it?  Wings?  Harpy? Yeah, I know.  My jokes are terrible.  It’s why I’m not a comedian.), he begins getting pelted with spears from the Sons.  Dany runs to him to calm him and manages to just have done so as she climbs onto his back and flies away into the wild blue yonder of what’s not the best CGI the show has had.  They clearly burned up the budget on last week’s zombie hordes.

So what’d you think of last night’s episode?  Was it good?  Bad?  Happy?  Sad?  Let us know.

Until next time, folks.

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